I’m off Monday-Wednesday this week.  The irascible and talented Dan Mitchell will be filling in.

Anne and I are taking the kids up to the high country for some R & R.

Today is Sunday.  We started packing at 7am this morning.  It’s now 11am.

We should have it all together in the next…I dunno…6 or so hours.

If you hear a news story about 3 blonde kids left stranded on the roadside in Leadville….they’re not mine.

As far as you know….

Catch you Thursday at 6am!

Good talk, son.  Good talk…..

It was quite a playoff run with our Denver Nuggets these past few weeks.  And once again I was reminded how we love our sports here in Denver!  Now, some may bring out the phrase “Bandwagon”…and I say…bring it on.  The beautiful thing is family, friends, neighbors and co-workers have all been a little bit closer thanks to Chauncey, Melo and the “Birdman”! 

We’ve seen Broncos win Super-Bowls … our local puck-whackers kissing the Stanley Cup…a mighty September rally that took the Rockies to the World Series… and now the Nuggets going deep into the playoffs.  Life is good people!

Bring on the next “Bandwagon”…I love the sense of community!

I like Mike Casey’s latest blog entry on bumper stickers.

It brings to mind the thousand-and-one bumper stickers I’ve written in my head and then deleted before they make it to paper, much less to a web site that would print them out for me.

I used to have a self-crafted bumper sticker that read, “Slayer Wannabe” during the run of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but apparently I’m the only dweeb in life who thought that show was funny. 

Lately I hate driving more and more.   I have an insider’s view of how many accidents there actually ARE every day and the stupid and heinous nature of most of them, now that I’m announcing them in the afternoons.  I think it’s getting worse.  I KNOW tailgating is getting worse.

I Googled tailgaiting bumper stickers, and even though I lust after them I know they could result in a double-shiner at the very least.  A great many accidents are CAUSED in part by following too closely, and about 70% of people on the road seem to regard tailgaiting as an  inalienable RIGHT, like the right to a fair trial.

This is the part where I tell you about my video cameras.

The woman who followed me so closely at 40 MPH that I couldn’t see her licence plate, then screamed at me at the stoplight, is the very last  person to do so without making it into my home movies.

I will post these on You Tube.  At the very least it’s an action of self-defense in that I can do SOMETHING about it.  You’re so helpless when you’re being tailgated.  Your options for safety get substantially narrowed.  It’s relatively easy to cause someone a coup-contra-coup injury by rear-ending them in traffic, and relatively easy to make someone careen off the road or even roll the vehicle.  Tailgaiting strikes me as stupid and INSANE, but it’s impossible to escape.  So as not to feel like a total victim, I FILM these people now.

Not freehand, of course.  I’ve got a couple of little Flip cameras mounted in the right places and I just turn them on when I start my commute.  I have a digital camera that I also keep next to me, powered up, so I can get snaps. 

We live in the time of Max Headroom.  I loved Max Headroom.  It seems to be my only recourse when getting to work and home is so DANG dangerous.

Oh…yeah…bumper stickers:

I Brake For Tailgaters  (rejected for many reasons, one of which is:  what does that tell police officers about you?)

Nice Bumper.  Be A Shame If Something Happened To It.  (This would probably get me driven off the road)

Back Off!  I’m Not That Kind Of Car  (Too cute.  And, nobody would get it)

Those are the ones I’ve Googled.  The ones I’ve composed are not suitable for public document.

Except this one:

Smile!  You Might End Up On YouTube!

One of the great things about the transition from the horse and buggy to the automobile is that it allowed for the introduction of the concept known as “the bumper sticker”.

Here are 10 bumper stickers that caught my eye recently and my thoughts on them:

1.      “My Karma Ran Over My Dogma”-  I like this one because it obviously took some thought….. “My Truckma Ran over my Catma” and “My SUV-ma ran over my waffle ball bat-ma” ….just don’t have the same ring to ‘em, do they?

2.      “Isn’t a Smoking Area in a Restaurant Like Having a Peeing Area in a Swimming Pool”?-  funny…but….ewwww……and remind me not to accept an invitation to your pool anytime soon.

3.      “Auntie Em- Hate you.  Hate Kansas.  Taking the dog.  Love Dorothy.” – I’m not even sure what message this bumper sticker is trying to impart but strictly from a creative standpoint I give it a 10.

4.      “Don’t Blame Me…I voted for BLANK” – I never liked this one much….seems a little passive aggressive to me….and kind of contrary to the ‘United we Stand idea’.  Just to keep people guessing I’m currently working on a bumper sticker that says either “Don’t Blame Me- I Voted for Millard Fillmore” or “Blame Me- I Didn’t Bother to Vote”.

5.      “Eagles May Soar- But Weasels Don’t Get Sucked Into Jet Engines”- It’s funny…and it’s true….but isn’t putting this bumper sticker on your car an admission of weasel-dom?

6.      “Two Wrongs Don’t Make a Right- But 3 Rights Make a Left”-  I spent all morning thinking about this one and I’m still not sure if it’s actually true….but it made me think….so that’s something.

7.      “Eat Right, Exercise Daily, Live Clean, Die Anyway”- I’m always tempted to pull up next to a car with this bumper sticker and see who’s driving.  I imagine it to be a rather large middle aged man smoking a giant cigar and eating a triple cheeseburger at the same time.

8.      “Jesus is My Co-Pilot”- I like the sentiment but I wonder if Jesus is good with directions and if he offers to pay for gas once in a while.

9.      “My Cat/My Dog/My Goldfish/My Parakeet is Smarter Than Your Honor Student”-  I get the point but these ones are a little mean spirited, don’t you think?  Plus, can you guilt your pet into cleaning his room and will your pet someday foot the bill for putting you in a nursing home?  Didn’t think about that, did ya?

10.  “Eschew Obfuscation”-   okay…I admit it…I had to use the dictionary to figure out that this means “avoid confusion”.  If you’re gonna put this bumper sticker on your car you might as well get another one that says “Please steal my lunch money and kick sand in my face.”

That’s the tricky thing about bumper stickers…sometimes they say more about you than you might want.

Here in the United States we tend to have a lot of respect for education, achievement and persistence just to name a few……but here in the 21^st Century it seems nothing is more important to a person’s success than the ability to excel at the skill known as “multi-tasking”.

I mean….think about it……it doesn’t matter if you wanna be a military leader , a Venture Capitalist, a big time Fortune 500 CEO, a stock broker, an entrepreneur, or the President of the United States……..if you wanna be the best of the best at any of those gigs….you better excel at multi-tasking.

You’ll probably think I’m making this up….but yesterday afternoon, I’m coming home from work and I’m stopped at a red light at Quebec and Leetsdale, when a guy in his mid 30s riding a rickety looking Mountain Bike passes through the intersection in front of me…..and it watching him, it occurred to me that this guy may just be the single greatest multi-tasker I’ve ever seen in my life.

In addition to pedaling the bike, this guy is wearing a back pack the size of a VW Bug…..that may have had an extra bicycle in it…that’s how big it was.

He’s got two swollen plastic baggies full of groceries hanging off his handle bars bumping off his knee caps as he pedals and as he tooled past my car, I noticed the nub of a cigarette dangling from his lips…..conflict of interest?  Sure…..but an impressive balancing act none the less.

Now, as if he doesn’t have enough going on already, the guy is trying to steer this chitty chitty bang bang contraption through the intersection with just two fingers of his left hand, because he’s using his RIGHT HAND to hold a cell phone up to his ear and HAVE A CONVERSATION at the same time!

For the life of me, I can’t imagine a phone call being so urgent that you’d absolutely HAVE to take it while pedaling your bike across a 6 lane intersection during rush hour while smoking a butt and carting your groceries back home…..but maybe the call was from this guy’s insurance agent….wondering if maybe he wanted to up his accidental death coverage or something.

While witnessing this scene, 3 thoughts occurred to me….here they are:

1.      This guy may have lacked a little bit of professional polish but with the right training, he might just have the skills necessary to work the trading floor on Wall Street.  Remember Eddie Murphy in “Trading Places”? It’s not as far fetched as you might think.

2.      It was REALLY difficult for me to resist the urge to roll down my window and yell “Here…CATCH!”  but somehow I managed.  Maturity must be setting in or something…

3.      If Extreme Multi Tasking ever becomes an Olympic Sport, this guy is a SHOO IN for the Gold Medal.

Hats off to you…Mister Bike Pedaling, Back Pack Wearing, Cigarette Smoking, Grocery Shopping Cell Phone Talker….I salute you.

When I loaded CNN dot com this morning, this is the first headline I saw:

ECONOMISTS: RECESSION TO END IN 2009.  (Click here for story.)

If you read the story, it turns out that this whole “RECESSION ENDS” thing isn’t exactly unanimous in the economics community and for that matter, the definition of “ends” might be a bit wobbly too….

I think CNN is a very credible news source and like most other Americans, I’d love to see our economy come roaring back any second now, but I always find it interesting when the headline that grabs your attention has a much different tone and timber than the facts within the article.

It also strikes me as interesting that when it comes to matters of the economy (and the stock market for that matter) there are no shortage of opinions and guess-timates about what has happened or what will happen next, but in a lot of ways it’s just like horse racing.

If you picked Mine that Bird to win the Derby this year at 50-1 odds, you walked away looking like a genius.

But when it comes to “speculatin’”, there’s a fine line between “luck” and “genius”.

I’m doing Heart Walk in a couple weeks…I’ll only have time to do the 1-mile, but if you’d like to join me we’ll be goofy and get people to glare at us.   Trust me, I am GOOD at this.

Join me for Heart Walk-check this link!

A two year old who’s mastered the game of pool?  No way!

Yup….click here for the video:

Two Year Old Pool Shark

So, yesterday was Memorial Day, the un-official start of Summer.

If being a grown-up and having to work for a living has made you forget about the magic of summertime, here’s a couple quick suggestions to help you recapture it:

1.      Turn off the AC in your car and drive with the windows rolled down.  Not only will it save you some money on gas but once you get where you’re going you’ll have that “back to nature” wind blown look about you too.

2.      Run through the sprinklers whenever possible.

3.      Whenever you see a kid with a lemonade stand, buy a cup. …even if the kid doesn’t have change for a buck.  Let him keep the change.  You don’t even have to drink the lemonade if you don’t want to.  After all, that’s not really the point……

4.      Wear flip flops to work at least one time this summer.  I know it’s a tough look to pull off if you have to wear a suit to work everyday, but I have confidence in you.  You can do it.

5.      Go over to Wash Park with a blanket some evening, lay down on your back and watch the clouds float by.  Sometimes doing nothing is better than doing something…

6.      Even if you have central air and your kitchen is cooler than your back yard, grill out as often as you can.  You can’t get the gist of summer inside a hermetically sealed house.

7.      Go watch a little league baseball game at whatever field is closest to your house.  Those kids are the ultimate reminder of what Summer is all about.

8.      Buy a few slip n’ slides and a couple of those plastic wading pools, set ‘em up in your yard and invite your friends over for a party.  Just make everyone sign a waiver before they take a run at the slip n’ slide.  

9.      Make your kids sit through classic flicks like American Grafitti, Beach Blanket Bingo, and Elvis Presley’s Clambake.  It’s not necessarily high art, but it’s summer. …. Who wants to think that hard anyway?

10.  And for #10, let me borrow the words of legendary US Humorist James Dent, “A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken.”

Golf season is in full swing…and with all due respect to the official PGA sanctioned rules of the game, here are “Casey Rules” of golf.

1.  Unless you’re actually playing IN Scotland…do not wear plaid.  Not pants…not a cap…and definitely not socks.  You’re not doing anyone any favors with that kind of fashion choice, my man. 
2. I know Tiger Woods can hit a 9 iron 168 yards around the trees, over the gallery, and stick it within 4 feet of the pin….but you, my friend, are no Tiger Woods.  If you get in a tight spot, go ahead and hit it back into the fairway, Chief….you’ll thank me later……
3. I’m fine with the 1 mulligan per 9 holes rule but I think there should also be a 1 line from the movie Caddyshack per 9 rule as well.  It’s a brilliant movie…but unless you’re Bill Murray or Chevy Chase, you should take it upon yourself to come up with your own funny lines.
4. If you’re in my group, I’m happy for you if you’re playing well…..but chances are good, I’m not playing well.  So don’t walk me through every single shot in your round as it’s happening…if I wanna know what you’re laying, what your handicap is, or what club you hit on the last hole, I’ll ask.
5. Golf legend Chi Chi Rodriguez used to hustle for money when he was a kid by playing against grown men using only a soda bottle and a putter for an entire round.  Think about that the next time you shank a tee shot and tell everyone that your 6,000 dollar driver is a lousy club.  As my Dad always used to say, it’s a poor workman who blames his tools.  
6. A weekend golfer should grab a handful of grass and toss it up in the air to check the wind direction IF, and only IF, he’s trying to get a laugh out of the rest of his four some….because nothing will make you look sillier faster than skulling a worm burner  4-iron shot that never gets more than 8 inches off the ground moments AFTER you just checked the wind direction.
7. No one likes to play behind a group that’s slow and it’s perfectly fine to ask to play through if they’re holding you up but don’t hit into the group in front of you.  It’s the sporting equivalent of tailgating.  If you’re in that big of a hurry, take up a different sport…..like bungee jumping….or race car driving…or being shot out of a cannon at the circus.
8. Unless you’re actually on the PGA tour, it doesn’t take 30 minutes to line up a putt and 1 practice swing should pretty much cover you.  Golf may be a thinking persons sport, but nothing will ruin your game faster than thinking too much.  Line it up, and hit it, Einstein.
9. When it comes to beer, playing golf is a lot like playing pool.  The correct number of beers may improve your game dramatically.  One more beer than that and the whole thing falls apart.  Keep that in mind when the cute girl in the beer cart starts following your four some from hole to hole….she ain’t doing your game any favors, pal.
10. As the great American humorist Mark Twain once said, “Golf is a good walk, spoiled…”  Think how much agony he would’ve saved himself if he’d just gotten a cart……