A little later this morning my folks head out to DIA for their return trip back to Pittsburgh after a 10 day visit here in Denver.

Here are some quick thoughts on how life changes at our house when the Grandparents pack up and head back home:

 When the grandparents leave all 3 of my kids wake up every morning for the next week and ask “Are Grammy and Pap Pap coming over today?  Can they take us to the pool?  When are they coming back?  How long would it take us to drive to Pittsburgh?”

When the Grandparents leave, the babysitter comes back….and she’s a great babysitter…but unlike the Grandparents, she doesn’t work for free!

When the Grandparents leave there isn’t anyone around to say “Do you have any laundry that needs folded?” or “Take some chicken out of the freezer, I’ll make dinner tonight” or
“Grab your ladder, I’ll help you clean out the gutters”.  For the last week and half most of the work got split up between 4 people…now it’s back to 2.

When the Grandparents leave even the kids notice that time gets tight again….bath time is shorter…..there’s less time for reading books before bed…..and a little less time for catch in the back yard. 

When the Grandparents leave I gotta start paying for my own gas and groceries and dinners out again because there isn’t anyone around to say “Ah….save your money…..I got this…” even though I’ve been telling ‘em for years that they don’t have to pay for EVERYTHING when they come to town.

When the Grandparents leave, the audience gets smaller and there’s a little less attention to go around.  From what I can see, no one in the world gets more enjoyment out of “Listen how good I can read now Grammy! Watch how far I can throw a baseball, Pap Pap!  Let me play you a new song I learned on the piano!” than visiting Grandparents.

When the Grandparents leave, the house seems a little empty and everyone in it gets kind of grumpy…..at least for a little while……because even though all families are crazy in their own way, there’s nothing more gratifying than watching your kids love their Grandparents….and their Grandparents loving ‘em right back…….a hundred fold.

Safe travels, folks.  Call us when you get home.

I know this will shock you……but back when I was in college…..I had this fake I.D….it wasn’t one of those poster board jobs but the real honest to goodness driver’s license of some guy named Dave Smith……

About as close as I got to looking like the picture on the ID was the fact that he had blonde hair and so did I…..but Dave Smith was an early victim of male pattern baldness and even in his driver’s license picture you can see a forehead the size of a satellite dish and a widow’s peak sharp enough to open a can of tuna with.

Course the rules were a little more lax back then and I used Dave Smith’s ID without incident very successfully all over the town of Oxford Ohio and beyond for about 18 months or so……until one particular night when a certain neanderthal doorman got it in his head that no way no how was I Dave Smith.

He must’ve asked me every single ID verification question imaginable at least 10 times….date of birth…. ….. address…..the year I graduated high school…..and so on.  He looked at me….looked at the picture on the driver’s license….and looked at me again…..

Basically, the doorman knew I wasn’t Dave Smith..and I knew I wasn’t Dave Smith….but since it was a completely valid ID……there wasn’t a lot he could do about it….

And so after another couple rounds of the Spanish Inquisition…he let me in..and I went over to a table to join my friends….feeling more than a little smug and self-satisified….

Literally, not more than 10 minutes later, Neanderthal boy walks right up to my table, puts his finger in my chest and says “I need to see your ID again.  What did you say your name was?”

So I pulled my ID out again, and with as GIGANTIC an attitude as I could muster, I said “Dude…we’ve already been through this….my name is Dave Smith…”

And like some latter day version of Perry Mason, Neanderthal boy smiled at me, pointed over to the door and said “Well, can you explain to me how a Dave Smith with the same birthdate and address as you just walked into the bar then?”

And from across smoky haze of the bar-room, I locked eyes with a guy who I had never met before in my life, but who I knew in intimate detail.  Standing at the door, giving me the stink eye to end all stink eyes was the original…the one and only…Dave Smith…….

I imagine I probably could’ve come up with a decent answer to the bouncer’s question…..I mean…it’s not like Dave Smith is an incredibly uncommon name, right?  But I was way too busy running for the back door at the time…..

The lesson I learned was this:

If you’re in a small middle American college town….and you happen upon a fake ID…..be extra cautious when using it on alumni weekend because it’s mathematically possible that you might end up in the same bar at the same time as a guy who just happens to have the same name and home address as you…

The Love Hope Strength Foundation is on a mission to ensure that there is at least one high quality cancer treatment center in every country in the world and they’re raising funds for this worthy cause one concert at a time.

Cy Curnin from the Fixx and the Bacon Brothers are joining Love Hope Strength tomorrow (Sat. 6/27) for a fundraising event called “Pikes Peak Rocks” and a concert to follow tomorrow evening at the Hard Rock here in Denver.

Really great organization.  If you’d like to participate in the event at Pikes Peak catch the show at the Hard Rock or just donate to a worthy cause, all the information is right here.

Kind of a strange day yesterday, wasn’t it?  First Farrah….and then….Michael…two American icons passing away within hours of each other?  What’re the chances? 

History may remember Farrah Fawcett as the pin up girl in a one piece red bathing suit rather than a serious dramatic actress, but it’d be hard to debate her impact on pop culture or the sense that even though we didn’t really know her, we always felt like we did.

Obviously, the legacy of Michael Jackson is a bit more complicated.

The son of a Gary Indiana steel worker, Michael Jackson was topping the charts before he was even a teenager….in fact, the first four singles released by the Jackson 5 made history by going straight to number 1…..Elvis never did that.  Neither did the Beatles.

And at the height of his fame in the early 1980s, Michael Jackson was the biggest pop star in the world….electrifying audiences with his dance moves, redefining the possibilities of the music video, and shattering sales records with his album Thriller…which is still the best selling album in the history of recorded music with approximately 50 MILLION copies sold.

Of course, as the saying goes, when you’re on top of the world, there’s really nowhere to go but down and in the blink of an eye Michael Jackson’s increasingly erratic behavior became the front page story and his undeniable talent became nothing more than a foot note.

“King of Pop sleeps in hyperbaric chamber! Wacko Jacko purchases the remains of the Elephant Man!   Michael’s face melting away after a botched plastic surgery!” And so on..and so on…and so on….

How much of what we heard was actually true is anybody’s guess…… but it’d be difficult to look at the entire arc of Michael Jackson’s life and career and not wonder long and hard about the cost of fame and celebrity…..especially when it comes to child superstars.

According to one story I heard yesterday, Michael Jackson’s homes were filled with hundreds upon hundreds of life sized statues …posed in the rooms of his mansions…. …filling the massive empty spaces of his life…….. not friends, not family, not fans, but statues……completely inanimate objects that only appear to be alive……

Why statues?  It’s just a guess on my part…..but……statues don’t want anything from you….statues don’t ask questions about your private life or follow your every movement with a camera……statues don’t borrow money or file lawsuits…and maybe most importantly…..statues are always there…..so even in your greatest moments of isolation….you can at least have the illusion that you’re not alone……..

I can’t even begin to guess what it must’ve been like to be a star of the magnitude of Farrah Fawcett or Michael Jackson…..but wherever they are now…I hope they’ve finally found some peace.  Heaven knows…they deserve it….

Seems that Oklahoma bombing co-conspirator Terry Nichols is unhappy with the quality of food at the Supermax Prison in Florence Colorado saying quote “the food I’m being forced to eat is causing me to sin against God”….

He’s bringing a lawsuit against the Federal Government seeking 2 million dollars in damages and an upgrade in food quality.

Story here.

My thoughts:

1.  Wow!  This guy must have cajones the size of Watermelons.  I say let him go hungry for a few weeks and then see how good prison food tastes.

2.  Apparently that program to start delivering take-out menus to Supermax prisons didn’t make it through committee.

3.  There aren’t many prisons that get 5 star dining ratings from travel guidebooks.  This is yet ANOTHER good reason to not do anything that will land you in prison.

4.  I’m not one to question a person’s religious beliefs but I’ll go out on a limb and say that being responsible for the deaths of 168 innocent people in Oklahoma City might be considered a little higher on the “sin-o-meter” than eating mushy spuds in the joint.

Yo, Nichols…..forgive me if I’m not feeling sympathetic…..

The city of Brooksville Florida has passed a law mandating that all city employees use deodorant and wear underwear to work everyday or risk the possibility of termination.  Story here.

Thoughts:

1. Score another victory for the ever powerful “Fruit of the Loom” and “Speedstick” lobbyists.

2.  How strange is life in Brooksville that a law like this was required in the first place???

3.  Thank God for the thong…

4.  The Mayor of Brooksville voted AGAINST this law because, quote “it takes away freedom of choice”.  20 bucks says the Mayor hasn’t worn underwear to work in the last 5 years.

“It’s Brooksville, it’s Brooksville, one helluva town!”

A graduating senior in Shaker Heights Ohio snuck an upside down F-Bomb into the cover art of his high school yearbook.

Story here.

Red-faced administrators were quoted as saying “It never occurred to us to turn the yearbook UPSIDE DOWN to check for profanity.  Geez, we’re only human!”

Apparently, Brandon Marshall posted a “goodbye to Denver and the Broncos” style update on his blog yesterday.

Details here.

No denying the guy has talent, but I say GOOD RIDDANCE.

He’s spent more time haggling with the Broncos organization over his hip injury than actually REHABBING the thing, he skipped the team’s MANDATORY mini-camp, he faces TRIAL later this summer for a misdemeanor battery arrest in Atlanta, and let’s not forget that while Mr. Marshall did catch 104 passes for 1265 yards and 6 TD’s last season, he also DROPPED 18 on-target passes and had several crucial fumbles that didn’t exactly help his team out in their moment of need.

And he wants more money…..

For the Broncos to be a winning organization again, these off the field distractions and attitude problem players have to go away. 

The sooner Brandon Marshall leaves, the sooner we can replace him with someone who actually wants to play the game of football and maybe, just maybe, win another Lombardi Trophy.  Oh yeah….that’s supposed to be the POINT, ain’t it????

Brett Favre is considering coming out of retirement……AGAIN…..didn’t we just go through this drill last year?  Yup.

My thoughts from In Case You Wondered:

So it’s the middle of June…….it’s supposed to hit 88 degrees in Denver…..and I know we’re deep in the heart of baseball season.

But as a long time football fan, I can’t help but turn some of my attention to the ongoing saga of former Green Bay Packers QuarterBack, Brett Favre.

In the interest of full disclosure, let me first say, I root for the Steelers and the Broncos and that’s pretty much it.  But like many other football fans the world over, probably minus division rival fans in Minnesota and Chicago, it’s almost impossible to be a fan of the game and NOT be a fan of Brett Favre.

To date, he has been a Pro football player for 17 years.  That’s a crazy number in the modern NFL, especially for a Quarterback, and to play 16 of them for the same team in the world of free agency is virtually unheard of. 

Statistically speaking……he leads in so many different categories, it’d take a whole show to name ‘em all….so I won’t….but in a nutshell….

Brett Favre has thrown 442 touch down passes, for over 61 thousand yards and won 160 regular season games as a starter…. All of which are more than any other Quarterback in NFL history.  He’s appeared in 9 pro bowls..and is the ONLY 3 time AP Most Valuable Player in history…. And maybe the most telling statistic of all, Brett Favre started 253 consecutive regular season games dating back to 1992….and that’s something you can’t do unless you love the game..I mean LOVE the game…plain and simple.

And as is the case with all the “great ones”, there were a lot of things to love about watching Brett Favre play the game other than his statistics.

He had a unconventional throwing motion that didn’t always result in perfect spirals….he played on instinct a lot of the time and ball protection wasn’t exactly his strong suit…..and though he didn’t scramble often, when he did it looked like he was running uphill in a windstorm…..but Brett Favre was a great improviser and was often at his best AFTER a play broke down.   And he was a little bit wild …you never knew exactly what he was going to do…….but he’d do anything to win the game for his team.  That much is beyond debate.

In the world of modern sports, where so many athletes squander their gifts on the temptations offered by money and stardom and ego, everything about Brett Favre indicated that other than his family, there was NOTHING more important to him than playing football.

In addition to the last minute heroics and the rocket passes released from his golden right arm, there were struggles, as there would be in any career that lasts 17 years.  He wrestled with an addiction to pain killers and issues with alcohol…..and what fan could ever forget the Monday Night game in 2003 when he passed for 4 touchdowns and nearly 400 yards in the game only one day after his father Irv died suddenly of a heart attack.

As all football fans know, a tearful Brett Favre announced his retirement from the game in March of this year…. several months after taking his Packers to within minutes of an appearance in Superbowl 42.

But then, earlier this month, the rumors started.  Brett Favre wanted to return to football……he says rushed his decision to retire and was ready and willing to play again.

But the Packers had already named Aaron Rodgers their starting Quarterback for the season.  Brett Favre made it known that he wouldn’t play back up to anybody so he asked for the Packers to release him unconditionally.  Unsurprisingly, they wouldn’t.  That’d be like asking the United States to release George Washington……..it just ain’t gonna happen.

Green Bay GM Ted Thompson has hinted that he would trade Favre OUTSIDE the NFC North in exchange for adequate compensation but that deal hasn’t really found legs yet.  And to be fair, who can blame Ted Thompson?  As bad as it would be for Packer nation to see Brett Favre wearing another team’s jersey, it would be worse yet to have to play him twice a year in that jersey when he’s starting for a division rival like the Vikings or the Bears. 

To call it a no win situation at this point would be the understatement of the century. 

The BRING BACK BRETT t-shirts have already flooded the state of Wisconsin. How’d you like to be Aaron Rodgers or Ted Thompson right about now?

 Brett Favre turns 39 in October and has said if the Packers won’t give him back the starting job then he would prefer to play for Minnesota or Chicago.

He is eligible for the hall of fame in 2013…and regardless of what happens in the coming weeks, he’s a guarantee 1^st ballot entry.  Somewhat awkwardly, the Packers are already scheduled to retire his #4 jersey at a ceremony at Lambeau Field on September 8.

Most of us can’t even imagine what it must be like to be a professional athlete of the highest caliber and to have to admit it’s time to quit playing the game you love.  But from the perspective of a football fan who doesn’t have a lot personally invested in whether Brett Favre plays again, I gotta say….it’s time to hang ‘em up, Brett.  It’s time. 

Could you win some more games as an NFL Quarterback?  Yeah…of course you could. 

Could you still lead a team to the Superbowl?  Statistically speaking, it’s not all that likely…but stranger things have happened in the world of sports.

But if you do come back this season or even next season, whether it’s in a Packer uniform or another…..all it will do is complicate the story of your life’s work and cause turmoil for the team you love, and the fans you love, both of whom have loved you unconditionally in return….and will continue to do so.

You’ve had a brilliant career.  One of the best the game has ever seen.  You played the game with passion, dignity and respect.  Everything about your style of play reminded us that no one man is bigger than the game itself.  And as hard as it probably is to do, it’s time to say good-bye to the game in the same way, Brett.  As a football fan….thanks for the memories.  I mean that sincerely.

Most of the friends Anne and I had in town last weekend had never seen our house before, so in the course of showing them around, I took ‘em outside to the backyard…which may have been a mistake in hindsight….

Plastic lawn chairs lay on their sides next to broken squirt guns and wiffle ball bats….baby dolls, magic markers, and sippy cups were strewn about the flower beds and shrubbery……and there couldn’t have been any less than 50 volleyballs, basketballs, baseballs, soccer balls, and footballs, all in various stages of deflation scattered around the yard. 

Seriously…if I had come around the corner and seen Ned Beatty sitting next to a rusted out El Camino jacked up on cinder blocks playing dueling banjos, I wouldn’t have been the least bit surprised….

That’s how bad it was….

So, yesterday afternoon, after my Obsessive Compulsive disorder kicked back in, I set about cleaning up the back 40 …..much to the chagrin of my children….who know me well enough to know that when Dad is cleaning, about 90% of everything is getting donated or taken to the curb on trash day.

As a result, this collection of back yard crap-ola that probably hadn’t been touched in 2 months quickly became the most valuable items in the world in the minds of my kids…….

“Daaaad…you can’t throw away that basketball!”

“We have more basketballs around here than the Denver Nuggets entire organization, son.  Your Mom backed over this one with the car and it hasn’t held air in 6 years …we’re pitching it…”

“Daaad….that’s my special baby doll….I have to keep it…!”

“Honey…it’s been sitting in a pile of dirt getting gnawed by the squirrels and sprayed by the neighborhood cats for the last 3 months….ewww……buh-bye dolly…”

And so this continued throughout the afternoon….me collecting junk from the backyard…and my teary eyed kids sitting there in full pouty face making up Appalachian folk ballads about Big Mike..the meanest Dad in the whole wide world….

When I came back inside for dinner, my work bag, and a bunch of my shoes and baseball hats were sitting by the back door in a pile….and the kids all scattered like ants in a rain storm when I said “What’s all my stuff doing here?”

Anne said, “They gathered it up themselves and were gonna throw it away….but I stopped ‘em…”

Which just goes to show once again, that effective parenting, really is about team-work….Especially when the little buggers have you outnumbered……..