Today is Cyber Monday, the online shopper’s equivalent of Black Friday. Nearly 90% of retailers with websites plan to hold specials.

For a list of deals, click here.

If you spent any time outside on Saturday, you may have noticed a low grade grumbling sound moving across the front-range in intermittent waves.

No need to panic…..that was just the sound of men everywhere responding to the following observation from their wives:  “Supposed to be pretty warm this weekend, honey.  You might wanna go ahead and put the Christmas lights up on the house before the weather changes….”

Yeah….that’s exactly what I might want to do…..who wants to sit around watching football and eating nachos when you could spend the better part of 15 hours standing on a ladder trying to turn your house into the miniature version of Rockefeller Center?

But like dutiful husbands and Christmas Elves everywhere….I obliged.

Here are a few quick observations from my Christmas-light-a-palooza this weekend:

1. As I stand over several plastic bins jammed packed with a rats nest of tangulated light strands, I am reminded of staring into a bowl of multi colored ramen noodles…. and am forced to ask myself yet again, why it is that I don’t do a better job of putting the Christmas lights AWAY in a neat and orderly fashion at the end of every season.  I do not have an answer but I suspect it has something to do with general laziness and lack of foresight.
2. If Kris Kringle is the patron saint of the holiday season, it’s Chevy Chase as Clark W. Griswold who is the patron saint of holiday lights.  Do yourself a favor and watch National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation a half dozen times before you climb up the ladder. 
3. While your wife may have ZERO interest in climbing up the ladder to hang the lights herself, this does not prevent her from micro-directing your activities from ground level.  Statistics indicate that approximately 3 to 400 men injure themselves falling off of ladders while hanging Christmas lights every season…what I’m here to tell you is that 94% didn’t fall….they jumped….
4. When it comes to hanging Christmas lights, do not be swayed by the fancy displays at your local hardware store.  In my experience, there are only two absolute necessities….duct tape…and bloody mary’s……all the other stuff is just a waste of your money.
5. Part of the joy of hanging Christmas lights on your house is having your kids come by about every 2 minutes and say “Are you done yet, Daddy?  Are you done yet, Daddy?  Boy…that sure is taking a long time…”  If your kids are all grown up and you no longer get to experience this, just let me know…I’ll be happy to send my kids over to your house.
6. I don’t care how nice the weather is, the only reason a grown man should be on his roof for any length of time is if the Swedish Bikini Team has moved in next door and decided that group sunbathing in the nude would be good for neighborhood property values.  Minus that option, roof tops are for super heroes and chimney sweeps…you know…like Dick Van Dyke’s character in Mary Poppins….
7. Speaking of weather….is it just me, or whenever you get out your trusty extension ladder and embark on the journey of hanging your Christmas lights, do you notice that the wind picks up ever so slightly?  Not enough to get you out of the job, but just enough to put a little buckle in your knees when you’re 30 feet up in the air?  I LOVE that part….
8. $10 bucks says that no matter where you live, when you start the process of hanging Christmas lights on your house at least one of your neighbors will stop by to say,  “Boy…you’re early this year!  When you’re done with your house can you do mine?”  Yuckety-yuck-yuck…..move along funny boy…..if it were up to me I wouldn’t even be hanging lights on MY house….it’ll be a hot day in the North Pole before I hang ‘em on YOUR house….
9. When it comes to those little plastic clips you use to hang lights on your gutter, on your roof, or in your trees, do not ask yourself why man kind has invented 64,000 different styles of plastic clips that all do basically the same thing….and do not think you can outsmart the Christmas decoration mafia by purchasing a package of so called “Universal!” light clips…..all this means is that you will have spent your money on something that is universally inadequate for any and all light hanging applications. 
10. In case no one ever spelled it out for you, the unwritten law of Christmas lights is this: even if you go buy brand news lights every year and even if you follow the manufacturers instructions to a T and even if you test every single strand before you climb up the ladder…..it’s a guarantee that once you get them all hung and flip the power switch, one half of one of the strands will fail to light.  That strand will almost certainly be at the exact center of your lighting display and the single highest point on your roof line.  No matter how many times you climb back up that ladder, no matter how many times you test and re-test the connections, and no matter how many of those little teeny tiny bulbs you replace…..that strand will never, ever, EVER light.  Once you acknowledge this fact, things will go a lot more smoothly.

Happy Holidays….and Let there be Light…..please…..let there be light….

The holiday shopping season opens on Friday. Here are a few tips for getting the most out of your money:

 - don’t wait till the last second

- do your price comparisons

- use coupons for things you were going to buy anyway

For more tips on how to ease your holiday shopping, click here.

It’s generally acknowledged by most historians that the first Thanksgiving celebration occurred 388 years ago…back in 1621.  After an especially difficult first year in the Americas, Plymouth Colonists and Wampanaog Indians joined together in an Autumn Feast to share in that year’s harvest as a symbol of cooperation and interaction.

I wonder if there was a guy like my Uncle Bud at the First Thanksgiving…

Uncle Bud tends to show up early, have a few too many bloody mary’s…and then fall asleep on the couch while silently passing gas for the rest of the afternoon.

The Plymouth settlers may have been saved by the fact that they probably didn’t have couches at the First Thanksgiving and most of their relatives were 3,000 miles away in England, which doesn’t sound ALL bad, does it?

The first national proclamation of Thanksgiving was issued by the Continental Congress in 1777…and in 1863 President Abraham Lincoln formally proclaimed that the Thanksgiving holiday should fall on the last Thursday in November.

This year we get a bonus football game as the Broncos line up against the Giants…but no one is exactly sure who declared that the Dallas Cowboys and the Detroit Lions should both be required to play football on Thanksgiving Day…but estimates are that tomorrow’s Lions game will be the only one all season that shows a viewing audience of more than 6 people.

According to the US Department of agriculture, Americans will purchase and cook 45 million turkeys this thanksgiving.

Approximately 44 million of them will either be dangerously undercooked or so dry that you could use the leftover turkey slices as sand paper the next day.  The remaining 1 million perfectly cooked turkeys will all be prepared by Martha Stewart.

Not everyone knows this…but only male turkeys make that famous gobble-gobble sound…female turkeys actually make a clicking sound.  Scientists have yet to figure out how to translate the clicking sounds but their best guess is that the female turkeys are actually saying “Holiday’s over pal…get off the couch and go hang the Christmas lights…”  Or something to that effect.

Kidding aside…while Thanksgiving may not pack the emotional wallop of the Christmas Holiday, it is an important time to take stock of all the many things we have to be grateful for and to remember that even with all the challenges life throws at us, there’s a lot to celebrate.

My 6 year old daughter wrote a Thanksgiving poem yesterday at school that seemed to be a pretty good summary of the holiday…

It goes like this:

I’m thankful for…the green grass…the good Earth…the tall trees…cool clear rivers and lakes…the high mountains…warm sunshine…fresh air…and you…

That pretty much covers it…doesn’t it?

Happy Day Before Thanksgiving.  Have a great holiday…and remember…steer clear of Uncle Bud after he falls asleep on the couch. 

“The List” tonight was quite an exercise in musical differences.  From the psychedelic bent of Status Quo to the larger than life sound of The Moody Blues to the 80’s Pop Metal of Def Leppard the set was full of stylistic contradictions.  And that’s why I loved it!  So here you go, “The List” of the Top 7 British Rock Bands that aren’t The Beatles, Stones, Who, Zeppelin, Floyd, Cream or The Kinks.  The songs were chosen because I wanted to hear them…how self indulgent am I

Status Quo-Pictures of Matchstick Men

Def Leppard-Photograph

Traffic-Dear Mr. Fantasy

The Moody Blues-The Story in Your Eyes

Genesis-The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway

Queen-Fat Bottomed Girls

The Clash-Train in Vain

What’s rubbin you the wrong way, your drops and adds…fire away!  Join me tomorrow night on “The List” for some of the best Canada has to offer.  Don’t forget to bring plenty of Maple Syrup.

Seriously…it’s true!

Pittsburgh’s own Donnie Iris, of “Ah Leah” fame, now has his own brand of beer!  King Cool Lite!

What’s next?  Kaja-goo-goo endorsing their own brand of Peppermint Schnapps????

Story here.

How about a sparkly reindeer-dung necklace? An Illinois zoo is trying to replicate the success it had selling dung Christmas ornaments last year.

To read the full story click here.

Many looking to purchase the new Sarah Palin book “Going Rogue” have accidently purchased “Going Rouge,” an anti-Palin book compiled by editors of The Nation magazine. The books, released on the same day, look very similar but carry a very different message.

To read the full article click here.

(CNET) Retailers aren’t the only ones gearing up for the holiday season. Criminals are also out in force.

To highlight the increased crime during the holidays, security company McAfee has come up with the “12 Scams of Christmas” ranging from bogus electronic greeting cards that deliver malware instead of cheer to fake charities that steal your money and your identity.

It’s especially important to be extra careful this time of year, says McAfee’s David Marcus. “The bad guys know people are spending more time online, they’re paying more bills online so [the criminals] stand a chance of being a bit more successful this time of year.

In a podcast interview, Marcus counted down the 12 scams of Christmas starting with:

1. Charitable phishing scams: Marcus warns consumers to be wary of e-mails that appear to be from legitimate charities. Not only will they take your money and deprive charities of needed funds, but they will also steal your credit card information and identity.
2. Fake invoices from delivery services: During this period, scammers will send out fake invoices and delivery notifications appearing to come from Federal Express, UPS, the U.S. Postal Service or even the U.S. Customs Service saying that they were unable to deliver a package to your address. They ask you to confirm your address and give them credit card information to pay for delivery.
3. Social networking friend requests: Bad guys take advantage of this social time of year by sending out authentic looking friend requests via e-mail. Marcus recommends that you not click on those links but sign into Facebook and other services and look for friend requests from the site itself. Clicking on a link could install malware on your computer or trick you into revealing your password.
4. Holiday e-cards: Be careful before clicking on a holiday e-card, especially if it’s from a site you haven’t heard of. This is a way to deliver malware, pop-ups, and other forms of unwanted advertising. Some fake e-cards will look like they come from Hallmark or other legitimate companies, so pay close attention and make sure it’s from someone you know. If you’re going to send an e-card, be sure you’re dealing with a reputable service lest you risk infecting yourself and your friends.
5. Fake “luxury” jewelry: If you see an offer for luxury gifts from companies like Cartier, Gucci, and Tag Heuer at a price that’s too good to be true, it probably isn’t true. These links could lead you to malware and take your money or merchandise that will probably never arrive (or be fake if it does). Some of these sites, according to McAfee, even display the logos of the Better Business Bureau.
6. Practice safe holiday shopping. Make sure your wireless network is secure and be sure you’re shopping on sites that are secure. Though it isn’t an iron clad guarantee, you should look for the lock icon in the lower right corner of your browser and make sure the Web page starts with https. The “s” stands for “secure.”
7. Christmas carol lyrics can be dangerous: Bad guys know that people are searching for holiday related sites for music, holiday graphics, and other festive media. During this time, they create fraudulent holiday related sites.
8. Job search related scams: With the unemployment rate at 10.2 percent, there are plenty of job seekers looking for work. Beware of online offers for high paying jobs or at-home money making schemes. Some of these sites ask for money up front, which is a good way for criminals not only to steal your “set up fee” but misuse your credit card too. Marcus said that some “get rich quick” sites are all about money laundering, asking you to accept an inbound financial transfer and pay them.
9. Auction site fraud: McAfee has observed a rise in fake auction sites during the holidays. Make sure you’re actually going to eBay or whatever site you plan to deal with.
10. Password stealing scams: Criminals use low-cost tools to uncover passwords, in some cases planting key logger software to record keystrokes. Once they get your passwords, they gain access to bank accounts and credit card accounts and send spam from your e-mail accounts.
11. E-mail banking scams: A common type of phishing scam is sending out official looking e-mails that appear to come from your bank. Don’t click on any links but type in your bank’s Web address manually if you need to access your account.
12. Files for ransom: Hackers use malware to gain control of your computer and lock your data files. To access your own data you have to pay them ransom. 

Bottom line–Don’t let the eggnog and holiday cheer keep you from using your critical thinking skills when you go online during the holiday season. And, of course, make sure your operating system is updated and that you’re using up-to-date security software. 

My college buddy Jay lives in Des Moines, Iowa, and a few months ago he was considering buying and building one of those heavy duty back yard playsets for his kids.  But Just before shelling out the dough for a new one, Jay’s wife Lynn found out that a co-worker was looking to get rid of a playset she had put up when her kids were little….it might take some doing to de-construct it, but it was free for the taking from her backyard on the corner of 6^th and T Street if he wanted to move it.

Now, my buddy Jay would find a way to move the Taj Mahal if he thought it’d save him a few bucks, so he offers to come by and deconstruct the Playset and cart it away on Saturday afternoon.  The co-worker gives the green light and says she won’t be at home on but she’ll leave the gate to the backyard unlocked for him.

At this point, the details get a little complicated…….but suffice to say, it took Jay and his pals a couple hours and more than a handful of socket wrenches to actually take this thing apart. But eventually they get it loaded into the pick up truck, drive it over to his house in 2 or 3 trips, and re-construct the entire thing in his backyard.  By sundown, the kids are playing on the new swing set, and he and his buddies are reviling in the joy of a job well done.

About Noon on Sunday, Lynn’s co-worker calls to ask the following question:

“I left my gate open yesterday…how come Jay never came to pick up the play set?”

I can only imagine the stunned silence on the other end of the line as Lynn considered this question….then looked out in her back yard and saw the new playset gleaming in the sun….then looked back at the phone trying to calculate exactly what had gone wrong in this little plan. 

“He did come to get the play set….he actually set it up in our backyard yesterday.  I’m looking at it right now”,  said Lynn. 

At that very moment, as the co-worker and Lynn share another moment of stunned silence, the co-workers neighbor comes to her door looking rather upset and says, “I Know this is going to sound crazy….but did you see anybody in our backyard yesterday?  We were out of town and we got home this morning to find that our playset is GONE!”

Are all the dots connecting for you?

Apparently my pal Jay wasn’t all that thorough on his homework.  I guess the co-worker lives on the Northwest corner of 6^th and T Street……unfortunately, Jay and his friends took the playset from a backyard on the SOUTH West corner of 6^th and T Street….wrong house entirely.  Basically meaning they stole a playset from some poor chump’s yard in broad daylight. 

And I guess once everyone figured out what had happened my buddy Jay actually had to knock on a complete stranger’s door and say “Hi…I’m the guy who stole your kids playset……sorry about that man…..my bad….”

For the record, I would’ve paid any amount of money to be standing there on that porch so I could see the look on Jay’s face as he tried to explain Grand Theft Playhouse to a complete stranger.

Because if you can’t find joy in the stupid mistakes of your friends, then what good is it to have friends at all?