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No….not the Russian secret service…
the Knowledge Generation Bureau!
Text any question (movie times, dream analysis..whatever) to KGBKGB (542542) and receive an answer in a minute!
Wow…now THAT’S making good use of technology!
Click here to link to the KGB web site where you can also submit your questions.
Denver Public Works has launched a new website to keep Denver residents up-to-date on current plowing operations.
To visit the site, click here.
Where’s the big guy now and when is he coming to YOUR house?
It was Christmas tree decorating night over at my house last night…..
Now, don’t get me wrong……decorating a Christmas tree with little kids is a joyful, heart warming experience….but from an execution standpoint it’s also a bit like running with the bulls in Pamplona…..
Within 8 seconds of letting them loose on a Christmas tree, kids begin throwing elbows and jockeying for position like Shaquille O’Neal looking for a rebound…….., decades old family ornaments inevitably get broken,…….and at least one of your kids will come dangerously close to pulling the tree over on herself……(
Approximately, 4 minutes later…..barely enough time to make it through White Christmas and half of the Little Drummer boy…….the process of decorating the tree is completely done……
I stand back to observe and decide that this wonderful symbol of family unity and the holiday spirit looks as if Stevie Wonder decorated it with a missle launcher from about 20 paces.
Any branch less than 4 feet from the ground has at least 11 ornaments on it…..any branch above 4 feet has none.
30% of the decorations that initially made contact with the tree are now laying on the floor….and at least half of those have now been stepped on…….
And the tinsel has been tossed onto the tree in random clumps that look vaguely like silver hairballs coughed up by a gigantic Christmas kitty cat.
As I climbed up onto the piano bench and leaned dangerously into the tree to attach the Christmas Angel, I noticed that the toppermost branch had a most disturbing lean to it. I bent it this direction and that, hoping to straighten it up a little….but, no such luck. I don’t think even an industrial sized dose of tree Viagra was going to get this branch to stand at attention.
But I attached the Christmas Angel anyway…..and when I climbed down off the piano bench and looked up at the leaning tower of Christmas… I’m almost eye to eye with the Christmas angel who is staring directly down at me in a most unsettling manner.
As the kids and Anne sat on the couch watching me, I said in a somewhat Grinchy voice, “Well..that’s not gonna work at ALL…now is it?”
But before I could climb back up on the piano bench, my 9 year old son said, “I think you should leave it like that Dad……it’s like an angel looking down on us from heaven……it kind of reminds me of Grandma…..”
With apologies to Dr. Seuss….it’s these kind of moments that remind me about the true meaning of Christmas.
Thanks for the reminder, son.
The list of the 10 Worst Sports Shows of the Decade is out!
No surprise that 9 out of 10 of them are (or were) on ESPN.
That’s sorta logical….
In fact, in looking over the list…the only thing that shocks me is: How could that toally lame-o show Pardon the Interruption “hosted” (and I use the term LOOSELY) by Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon not show up ANYWHERE on the list?
Kornheiser and Wilbon must’ve gotten to vote…
Running low on time to Christmas shop?
Or maybe you’re the kind of person who just doesn’t care enough to send the very best?
Either way, here are the rules of re-gifting.
For all the joy and wonder that the holiday season brings, there’s one thing we should all keep in mind going into it.
At some point between now and New Year’s Day you’ll find yourself at some sort of holiday party……probably surrounded, in the most literal sense of the word, by family and friends……
There may be chestnuts roasting on an open fire….jingle bells may be ringing…..and herald angels may be singing…..
But sure as St. Nick is going to redefine the laws of body mass index and squeeze himself down your chimney on Christmas Eve….while you’re standing there at this party, you will look around at the collection of wonderful people in your life….and think…”Wow…these folks are all completely crazy….”
“I don’t mean eccentric….or odd….or unique…. much as I love them ……. they’re certifiable wack jobs …..they’re cuckoo for cocoa puffs….. …. And though the term hasn’t yet been recognized by the medical community at large…..I’d offer that they’re nutso-phrenic….”
At the moment this thought occurs to you……some long distant Uncle of yours will be passed out on the couch, farting silently to himself…..perhaps your niece’s boyfriend who just got out of jail will be rifling through your silverware drawers……and maybe your Mom and her sister who haven’t spoken in 20 years have decided that the time to re-establish their relationship is right now….. in YOUR Living room….after having 12 glasses of egg-nog apiece…..
I’m not saying this has ever happened to me….but I’m not saying it hasn’t happened either…..
If part of your traditions is to sing holiday songs with your loved ones, and you’re surrounded by crazy people anyway, why not make the most of it?
With that in mind, here 10 brand new alternative Christmas Carols that you may find useful this season:
And if those custom issued Christmas Classics don’t make your Yuletide bright, I don’t think anything will.
States ranked from happiest to least cheerful
updated December 17, 2009 12:26 p.m. PT
THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
WASHINGTON — A new study found that people who report more satisfaction with their lives live in states that score well on things like good schools, low crime and short commuting time, perhaps a first objective look at why some states are happier than others.
The state-by-state list, from happiest to least cheery:
1. Louisiana
2. Hawaii
3. Florida
4. Tennessee
5. Arizona
6. South Carolina
7. Mississippi
8. Montana
9. Alabama
10. Maine
11. Wyoming
12. Alaska
13. North Carolina
14. South Dakota
15. Texas
16. Idaho
17. Vermont
18. Arkansas
19. Georgia
20. Utah
21. Oklahoma
22. Delaware
23. Colorado
24. New Mexico
25. North Dakota
26. Minnesota
27. Virginia
28. New Hampshire
29. Wisconsin
30. Oregon
31. Iowa
32. Kansas
33. Nebraska
34. West Virginia
35. Kentucky
36. Washington
37. District of Columbia
38. Missouri
39. Nevada
40. Maryland
41. Pennsylvania
42. Rhode Island
43. Ohio
44. Massachusetts
45. Illinois
46. California
47. New Jersey
48. Indiana
49. Michigan
50. Connecticut
51. New York
You’re telling me with a straight face that Delaware is happier than Colorado????
Puh-lease!
I demand a re-count!
A number of years ago, I was a music programmer for a company that supplied music for business environments.
Because of the production time involved in going from demo to finished product, we started our Christmas programming in July and August, so that our retail clients could have holiday hits in their locations well before Thanksgiving.
And let me tell you….. unless you’ve sat in a tiny windowless studio in the middle of July listening to Frosty the Snowman and Jingle Bells over and over and over again, you haven’t really experienced ALL the magic that the season has to offer……you know what I mean?
At this particular time, one of my clients was a large clothing retailer that had maybe 100 different locations up and down the East Coast…and after going through 4 rounds of demos on their upcoming Christmas programming, my contact said, “Listen, Mike…..every store in the world plays holiday music….we want something truly unique…..something that makes customers FEEL something when they come into our stores….go ahead and let your imagination run wild……”
And so I did…I put together a 20 song holiday demo that had Christmas favorites from Ella Fitzgerald to Buck Owens to Bing Crosby to Bruce Springsteen and back again.
And in between the songs, I dropped in little clips from famous holiday movies, like A Christmas Story (“red rider BB gun), and “It’s A Wonderful Life” (any clip) and “A Charlie Brown Christmas”….
And then, at the end of the demo….maybe because I finally went insane after listening to non stop Christmas music in July ……I dropped in this clip from “the Grinch Who Stole Christmas”….(maybe Christmas doesn’t come from a store)
Kind of interesting to imagine yourself walking around a store doing your holiday shopping and hearing THAT play overhead, now isn’t it?
Needless to say, when the client got to the end of THAT demo, I had pretty much gotten to the end of my career as a music programmer….at least for this particular company.
During my “exit interview”, my boss said, “Look Mike…I think you’re a good guy…and you know a lot about music….but when it comes to the holidays…it’s a pretty simple equation: retailers want customers to feel warm and fuzzy inside, because warm and fuzzy shoppers tend to buy stuff. Subversive messages about the “true” meaning of Christmas don’t really have a place with our company.”
And I guess by that definition of “subversive”… I was guilty as charged.
And you know, I’m okay with that.
Here’s wishing you and yours a Subversive little Christmas….
Today is the winter solstice and the first day of winter in the Northern Hemisphere. It’s all due to Earth’s tilt, so as we journey into the longest night of the year, tonight on “The List”…I played some loooooong songs!
Do You Feel Like We Do-Peter Frampton/14:13
The Low Spark of High Heeled Boys-Traffic/11:34
I Heard it Through the Grapevine-CCR/11:02
Funeral For a Friend/Love Lies Bleeding-Elton John/11:00
Starship Trooper-Yes/9:24
Tonight, Tonight, Tonight-Genesis/8:53
Kashmir-Led Zeppelin/8:27
That’s it…that’s “The List” tonight. What would you add? I thought about Iron Butterfly and In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida…but really, not a very good song after all these years. So I made an executive decision! Now tomorrow at 7 on “The List”…I’ve got some last minute gift ideas for you. See you then!
