(Newser) – Health insurance may be the topic of the day, but it’s so boring. The Business Insider takes a look at the wacky side of the industry, which mainly includes celebs insuring their body parts for millions of dollars. And some extraterrestrial stuff. Here goes:

Heidi Klum’s legs: The model’s right one, at $1.2 million, is insured for $200,000 more than her left because that leg bears a small scar.

Keith Richards’ middle finger: The Rolling Stones guitarist has his bird insured for $1.6 million. Thank goodness.

CLICK HERE for the full story from Newser.com

MIKE’S THOUGHTS: I honestly had no idea this sort of thing was even possible. I’m currently looking for an insurance policy to cover my love handles.I’m thinking 8 bucks per handle oughta cover it.

Just when you thought the world of pizza couldn’t get any weirder.  Check THIS OUt!

(Newser) – A pizza joint in northwest Britain is the country’s first to offer zebra meat as a topping—and not only is it legit, it’s on menu that also includes buffalo, kangaroo and crocodile. “The main thing I get from customers now is that they don’t believe that I am serving real zebra meat,” Arash Fard, the owner of Yummy Yummy Italia, tells the Lancashire Telegraph, adding that he sells about 20 zebra and croc pizzas weekly.

“Going for things like zebra is encouraging the destruction of rare wildlife,” frowns one opponent, but the supplier says the meat comes from overpopulated game parks in South Africa—where zebra meat is often used for steaks and burgers.

Mike:  Putting aside the ethical questions for the moment, Can Zebra even be a good tasting Pizza topping?

Aren’t they all muscle?

If we’re going this direction anyway, why not go with a more succulent animal like a koala bear or a baby seal???

On Saturday, Anne and the kids and I packed up the car from stem to stern and headed up to Rocky Mountain National Park for a one night camp out with our friends Amy and Mike and their son Liam.

While I do love the great outdoors, I’m the first to admit that I’m no Grizzly Adams…..I have been camping quite a few times before but mostly in my younger, pre-kid days when a weekend of camping required little more than a guitar, some beef jerky and about 11 cases of beer.

Based on the family camp out on Saturday, the experience is somewhat….shall we say….different…..at this stage of life.

Here are a few assorted thoughts on our little camping adventure.

1.      The biggest challenge involved in the family camping trip is the packing process.  Gathering up food , water, sleeping bags,  utensils, camping mattresses, tarps, and weather appropriate clothing for a family of 5 is the human equivalent of a dog chasing it’s tail…….only with a higher margin of error.  By the time you’re half way into it, you’ve forgotten why you were doing it in the first place.  The kids were so excited that they were in their car seats 2 hours before we left….. by the time I got the car fully packed, I realized that there was absolutely no way for them to get out of the car……In fact, Jo Jo may still be in there somewhere for all I know…

2.       The campground we stayed in was beautiful….but the campsite itself was a good 200 yards uphill from the parking spot.  I’m not saying I want to camp right next to my car necessarily….because that seems kind of lame…..but after my 800^th trip up the hill with all the family gear, it occurred to me that I should have hired some sherpas for the occasion.

3.      Prior to even leaving the driveway, someone OTHER THAN ME may have mentioned to the kids that we’d roast marshmellows over the campire on our campout.  This is roughly the same thing as holding a juicy steak bone just out of the reach of a puppy…….  All you’ve done is guarantee that for the next 11 hours your kids will say nothing other than “Daddy is it time to roast marshmellows?  Daddy is it time to roast marshmellows?”  It occurred to me that we could’ve just roasted marshmellows in the back yard and saved ourselves a lot of work.

4.      Given that our shelter for the night has to hold 3 kids, 2 adults, and all the gear….our tent is roughly the size of one of Donald Trump’s casinos.  Putting it together requires blue prints, a front loader, 64 bungy cords, and 14 different guy wires , and a retaining wall built out of twigs, ……mid-way through the construction of said tent, my buddy Mike said “Hey….NASA just called…your tent is interfering with their satellite signal relay system….they need you to take it down..”  Great….no one told me I was camping with Henny Youngman…..

5.      As you know, wild animals, particularly bears, have an exceptionally well developed sense of smell.  When you’re camping, the idea is not to leave a lot of food lying around that might encourage wild animals to crawl into your sleeping bag at night.  Have you ever seen kids try to eat a meal off a plastic plate while sitting on a log in the dark?  I seriously considered driving into Estes Park and buying a dust buster to clean up all the food they dropped……but at a certain point I decided that being eaten alive by a bear didn’t really seem like that bad of an option….

6.      Fortunately for me, only one of the boots I brought actually had a shoelace in it….lacking any other option, I took a hatchet, hacked the shoelace into two pieces, and laced half of my shoelace into each boot.  I was fairly impressed with my resourcefulness until my friend Mike said “Hey…..did someone lose a shoelace?  I found one sitting next to your car…”  Nifty.

7.      Now, I’m a guy….so without putting too fine a point on it, there are plenty of times when I’m at home and nature calls.  Rather than walk all the way into the house to use the bathroom, I’ll just go in the yard.  It’s a territory thing I think….clearly my kids are city kids because when Lily said she had to go to the bathroom and I pointed her over to the nearest tree, she said…”Uh…that’s okay, Daddy….I think I’ll just hold it.”  In fact, they ALL held it…that is until we got them bundled up from head to toe and stuck them in their sleeping bags for the night…..it was only THEN that they all decided they had to go to the bathroom.

8.      In case you haven’t spent much time in Rocky Mountain National Park, let me just set the record straight for you….even in September…..when the sun goes down, it can get purty cold.  So when it’s bedtime, I crawl into my sleeping bag wearing long johns, jeans, a sweatshirt, wool socks, a coat and a ski hat.  I wake up two hours later with my feet so hot you could fry an egg on them and my face so cold that it’s numb.   For one split second that Geico commercial with Joan Rivers flashed through my mind…..the one where she says “I’ve had so much plastic surgery I can’t feel my face!”…..Apparently, even at 3 o’clock in the morning while freezing my tuchas off in a tent I can STILL crack myself up……

9.      At some point in the middle of the night, the 3 year old wakes up crying….figuring she’s either cold or scared I say “Jo Jo…what’s wrong…?”  She says “Daddy….I can’t find my DOLLY! Where did she go?”  Resisting the temptation to say “I guess the bears ate her honey…”  I spent the next 30 minutes with a flashlight tearing apart our tent looking for a baby doll…..by the time I find the thing, Jo Jo has fallen asleep again.  Somewhere in the great beyond, the ghosts of our frontier ancestors are mocking me….I can FEEL it……

10.  After we live through the night without freezing to death or getting attacked by bears, we have a nice breakfast by the campfire and start to tear down the campsite and re-pack the car.  After we get the whole thing re-loaded again, I go to turn on the car and hear nothing but “click click click…”  Apparently, at some point during the night, the battery died.  In order to get to the jumper cables, I have to unpack most of the car.  Fortunately, the kids are standing beside the car saying “Daddy…what are you doing?  Why are you unpacking the car?  Are we staying…?  Does this mean we get to roast more marshmellows????  YAY!”  Which is exactly what I was thinking at that point…”YAY….and double YAY!”  Let’s be sure to do this again, rrrrrreal soon….

Whoever it was who said “Delight in the natural beauty that surrounds you” may not have have ever been camping with my family before…. 

(Newser) – A study on goldfish has yielded hope for a temporary fix for humans paralyzed by fear, Japanese scientists say. They injected anesthetic directly into the fishes’ brains—which are similar to many mammals’—and thus switched off its fear center. The news could mean temporary calm for those afraid to fly, for instance.

Click Here for the full story from Newser.com

MIKE’S THOUGHTS: Okay, so if you’re a person with a really sensitive fear reflex does it seem like a good idea to have someone stick a gigantic needle in your head????  Wouldn’t that scare the bee-jesus outta you thereby defeating the purpose?  What’s wrong with Whiskey, people?

(Newser) – Wishing you had a butt like J Lo’s? Look no further: The Biniki (or “bumkini,” as the Daily Mail nicknames it) can give you a boost. Developed by a psychologist who was depressed with her butt’s sagginess after she lost weight, the Biniki utilizes a belt around your waist that holds up support hoops under your buttocks. The result? Flat or small bottoms get a lift and sit higher on the body, hopefully creating that Kim Kardashian look once you put on your pants.

MIKE’S THOUGHTS – This is an awesome idea….but I wouldn’t reccomend buying one as a gift for the woman in your life.  Unless you like sleeping in the garage of course.

If you really want to see what it looks like on a MAN, Click Here for the official company site. Be warned, you may want to get your kids out of the room first.