SMARTPHONE APP FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE ALWAYS LATE

 Are you “the late guy”? Are you driving your buddies crazy because you never show up when you’re supposed to?

 There’s now a smartphone app called OnMyWay that might smooth things over and take some of the pressure off of you.

 OnMyWay, which can be installed on your Android or Blackberry, contacts the people you’re supposed to meet and, using GPS, notifies them where you are and when you’re expected to arrive.

 The beauty of it is this all happens automatically, so you don’t have to spend the whole trip on the phone, apologizing and making excuses.

Mike’s Thoughts:  I know I’m going to sound like a curmudgeon here, but the way I was raised taught me that people who are habitually late don’t respect themselves or the people in their lives (business associates, friends, family) to put enough thought and preparation into being on time.

I’m afraid there ain’ t no Iphone app that’s going to solve that problem.

And as a side note, if you have a friend who’s habitually late, why would you waste your time checking some app to see when they’re going to actually show up?  How desperate and co-dependent is THAT?

NEWSER) – Why spend $150 on ripped, faded, and worn designer jeans when you can make your own—by not washing them for six months? That’s the thought process behind lovers of “raw denim,” who wear the same pair over and over and over again, even sleeping in them. “You wear the raw denim in, as much as you can, so that it starts taking on your body shape,” said Darryl de Necker, who wore one pair for 22 months with only two washes.

 Raw denim isn’t what you buy at the Gap—it hasn’t been washed before hitting shelves, so it’s stiff and covered in indigo dye that rubs off over time, leaving creases to show where your knees bend, or around where your iPhone lives in your pocket, reports Aol News. Which leads to the all-important individuality of the pants. “All the marks on them after two or so years are your own. Not like a pair of treated denim you buy in a store that looks the same as everyone else’s, but your own.” Want to try it? Levi’s sells raw denim 501s for $37 … or you could fork over $260 for Jean Shop’s pair. Click here to learn how raw denim enthusiasts keep their jeans clean, sans washing machine.

Mike’s Thoughts:  I hate to sound like a braggart, but I INVENTED this “not washing your jeans” trend back in 1985.  But do I get any credit?  Nooooooooo.

For the record, I also invented the “spray the dirty socks with cologne” and ”underwear inside out” tricks too.  The fashion world gots nothin’ on me.  Nothin’.

(newser)- 

The Jersey Shore reality star is set to hit bookstores in January with A Shore Thing, a fictional story about a girl looking for love in the Garden State. Should be interesting seeing as though Snooks once told the New York Times she’s read only two books in her life — Twilight and Dear John. And that’s why we have ghostwriters, people.

Mike’s Thoughts:  I get this overwhelming sense that Ernest Hemingway and F. Scott Fitzgerald are presently turning over in their frickin’ graves.

CREEPY SEX: Join the “Six Feet Under Club”(Posted 3:00 AM, 9/29/2010)

 Everybody’s heard of the “Mile High Club” — where all you have to do is have sex in an airplane, usually in the nasty and cramped bathroom.

 But, have you heard of the “Six Feet Under Club” — where you have the opportunity to be buried in a coffin with your significant other to do … well … whatever you want?

 The difference between the “Mile High Club” and the “Six Feet Under” club is pretty dramatic.

 When you get wild and crazy in an airplane bathroom, the idea is that nobody finds out about it.

 But, if you choose to get buried with your significant other, everything you do in that coffin will be recorded by a night vision webcam and projected onto an outside wall.

 The audience gathered will see everything you’re doing.

 If you’re up for it, book your flights to San Francisco now. The event unfolds Saturday, October 2nd.

Mike’s Thoughts:  I’m a guy so anything involving sex has a certain amount of appeal for me…..except for this.

I would need 14 Xanax and an oxygen mask to even get in a damn coffin and I can guarantee you, that ain’t gonna put anybody in the mood…including me.

(Newser) – Google Instant makes searching faster by automatically completing what you’re typing … unless it’s dirty, of course. The folks at 2600.com put together a comprehensive “Google blacklist” of words the search giant thinks are naughty, from the apparently innocuous (“servitude”) to the downright confusing (“hedop”). A sampling:

• nipples
• asian babe
• naked
• pamela anderson
• white power
• dirty pillows
• ball gravy
• tushy
• style doggy
• porn
• twinkie
• 4chan
• sexy

Of course, if you really must search for one of the above words, you can always just type them in and hit “enter.” See the complete list—or the possibly even more interesting list of words that haven’t been blacklisted—here.

Mike’s Thoughts: 

1. “Ball gravy” might just be the funniest term I’ve heard in a long long time.

2.  I had no idea what “hedop” meant so I looked it up.  Dictionary dot com indicates that this word does not exist.  So why are so many people looking it up?  And why did Google instant blacklist it?

(NEWSER) – Guests have been getting scorched by a phenomenon that staff at Las Vegas’ new Vdara hotel have nicknamed “the death ray.” The glass skyscraper magnifies the sun’s rays into a shifting hot spot around the hotel’s pool area strong enough to burn skin, singe hair, and melt plastic cups, ABC News reports. Hotel execs—who prefer the term “solar convergence phenomenon”—say they’re working on fixing the problem.

Mike’s Thoughts:  I don’t think it’s funny that people are getting accidentally sunburned.  That’s no laughing matter. 

But what I do find funny is that for all the millions and millions and millions of dollars that hotel owners spend on building these mega-palaces in the middle of the desert, no one stopped to think about the fact that powerful sun reflecting off of glass could be downright dangerous.  Isn’t that an Architecture 101 kind of thing?

Today, the fine folks at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland submitted their initial list of artists being considered for the class of 2011.  They are; Beastie Boys, Bon Jovi, Chic, Alice Cooper, Neil Diamond, Donovan, Dr. John, J. Geils Band, LL Cool J, Darlene Love, Laura Nyro, Donna Summer, Joe Tex, Tom Waits and Chuck Willis.  Okay, now let me vent a bit…uggh!  Bands more worthy than Chic or LL Cool J for the “Rock and Roll” hall of fame.  Yes, Chicago, Journey, Def Leppard, Rush, The Moody Blues, Todd Rundgren, The Steve Miller band all of those off the top of my ever so slightly balding head.  Who have I left out?  To quote a movie line-”I’m mad as hell and I’m not gonna take it anymore!”

(NEWSER) – Bad idea: Sleeping with a cop’s 14-year-old stepdaughter. Worse idea: Pretending to arrest the 15-year-old boy who slept with your 14-year-old stepdaughter. A San Jose police officer is accused of doing just that—going so far as to handcuff the teen—and now he’s being criminally investigated. Both teens ended up being cited for underage sex after the boy’s parents complained about the fake arrest.

The Mercury News has cell phone footage of the incident, which happened in the boy’s home on Aug. 30. The officer tells the boy that “the district attorney will probably file charges,” and calls him “stupid” and a “piece of” you-know-what. He apparently delivered a similar scare to his stepdaughter, driving her toward juvenile hall. It appears to have had the intended effect: The boy now says he “wouldn’t recommend” teen sex—but says the officer “should go to jail.”

UFOS & NUKES: Former Air Force Officials Go Public (audio)(Posted 3:00 AM, 9/28/2010)

No, it wasn’t a lost episode of The X-Files. Yesterday at the National Press Club in Washington, D.C., Robert Hastings, the author of UFOs and Nukes: Extraordinary Encounters at Nuclear Weapon Sites, rounded up eight retired U.S. Air Force officers who shared stories about their close encounters at missile silos in Montana and England as well as a Strategic Air Command Base in Maine.

Among those who testified was retired air force colonel Charles Halt, a former deputy base commander at a nuclear site in East Anglia, England, who described an encounter. Halt said, “While we were milling around, trying to make sense of the whole thing, one of the individuals with me suddenly spotted something. All through the forest was a bright, glowing object. The best way I can describe it, it looked like an eye. It was bright red with a dark center.”

Mike’s Thoughts:  I can honestly say I haven’t spent even a single minute of my life considering the real possibility of UFO’s and Extra-Terrestrial visitors but if you can get EIGHT former US Air Force Officers to corroborate similar stories about UFO sightings then I have to think there’s something to this story.

This is pretty exciting for me because I’ve been sitting on this screen play I wrote called “Aliens Are to Blame for my Male Pattern Baldness” so I think the time has finally come to blow the dust off this masterpiece and go HOLLYWOOD baby!

I figure John Malkovich will play me.