(NEWSER) – If your true love gives you everything from 12 drummers drumming to a partridge in a pear tree this year, he or she will have shelled out $96,824. That’s up 10.8% from last year, the AP reports. High gold prices pushed the cost of five gold rings up 30% to $649.95; nine ladies dancing now costs $6,294.03, up 15%; the price of feed and availability led to a 78.6% jump in the price of two turtle doves, to $100. 

When you count each repetition in the song, your lover will have bought you 364 gifts. Looking for a less plentiful route? Rather than getting, say, 3 French hens 10 times (on the third through 12th days of Christmas), perhaps your true love should opt for one set of each, and pay a mere $23,000—9.2% higher than last year. Click here for the complete price chart.

Mike’s Thoughts:  Further proof that the 12 Days of Christmas is a stupid song to begin with.  Turns out it’s also fiscally irresponsible.

(NEWSER) – Harvard scientists have reversed the aging process in mice, injecting them with an enzyme that healed tissue and reportedly spurred the growth of new neurons in their brains. Now they’re wondering if they can apply some of these benefits to humans. But differences between human and mice bodies make things complicated—and potentially dangerous, the Guardian reports.

The scientists zeroed in on telomeres, the protective caps found at the end of each of our chromosomes. Every time our cells divide, the telomeres are shortened, eventually reaching a point where they stop working and the cell dies. The scientists bred mice that lacked an enzyme that halts the shortening process; this caused them to show signs of aging early. But when scientists injected the missing enzyme, called telomerase, the mice “showed a substantial restoration,” said the head of the study. But we can’t just inject the stuff in ourselves; for adult humans, telomerase is linked to cancer. But the study’s leader thinks the treatment could be safe if it was given only sporadically to young people whose bodies are free of cancer cells.

Mike’s Thoughts:  Scientists have started testing this new process on Larry King with great success.  Apparently, they’ve now reversed Larry’s age to 147.

(Boulder Daily Camera)- 

I’m not the world’s saaviest shopper, but I do know that today is Cyber Monday and money will be changing hands.

Looking for the best deals?

My sources tell me that this agreggator site is the best one to check.

Happy Shopping!

(NEWSER) – As huge popcorn fans and total caffeine addicts, Amanda and Matthew Fitch decided they could kill two birds with one stone—by putting caffeine in their popcorn. To make the final product palatable, though, they had to overcome caffeine’s natural bitterness. “We tried over and over again, making tons of different batches in our kitchen until it finally tasted good,” recalls Amanda. The resulting top-secret “proprietary blend” delivers the punch of a strong cup of coffee in every bag, Aol Newsreports.

Orders for “BioFUEL,” as they named it, have exploded since its April launch. The Fitches say hardcore gamers, fitness buffs, college students, and exhausted parents have all found that BioFUEL delivers a much-needed kick. “Some have even likened BioFUEL to cocaine,” notes Amanda. “It’s that addicting.” But healthier than even energy drinks, she claims. “There’s no crash from all the sugar later. Something about the combination of caffeine and complex carbohydrates in the popcorn just works.”

Mike’s Thoughts:  As if the guy who can’t keep his phone in his pocket during the movie weren’t annoying enough now he’s going to be hopped up on caffeine corn too?   Nifty.  Apparently this same company is working on a new Nicotine flavored beer too.

(NEWSER) – Apparently, Willie Nelson still enjoys the occasional doobie. The country music star was arrested—right out of his tour bus—at a border patrol checkpoint in Texas yesterday for possessing 6 ounces of marijuana, KVIA reports. He was booked in county jail but later freed on bond. This is just the latest of several run-ins with the law Nelson’s entourage has had, including a citation earlier this year at the very same checkpoint.

Mike’s Thoughts:  That’s some good law enforcement work there, fellas.  Finding pot on Willie Nelson?  Isn’t that like searching Donald Trump and finding Real Estate?  Kind of a gimme, me thinks.

(NEWSER) – There are few things more awkward than having the “It’s not you, it’s me” conversation. For those too nervous, chicken, or lazy to break up with their partner themselves, there’s iDUMP4U, a website that does the dirty work for you—for a mere $10. For said fee, the man behind the site, Bradley Laborman, will make the breakup call … and record it, should you want to post it on YouTube, reports Time.

He’ll even handle messier cases: Pay him $25 and he’ll call it quits on your engagement; $50 will get the wheels turning on your divorce. Though he started it as a joke in September 2009, he’s logged 200 breakups to date. And the holidays are his busy time: “Last year I had a lot of Turkey Dumps,” he says. “I also had people who didn’t want to buy a Christmas present [for their partner]. This time of year is the busiest.”

Mike’s Thoughts:  While I find the whole notion of paying someone to handle your break up for you more than a little disconcerting, I do rather enjoy the phrase “Turkey Dump” and I plan on working into everyday conversation as much as possible in the near future.

(New York, NY)  –  The nation’s only 100-proof Vodka turkey will be served by New York City bar and tavern owners again this Thanksgiving.  The turkey takes three days to prepare and is infused with five different flavors of vodka: peach, cherry, orange, lemon and apple.  The gravy contains 100-proof vodka.  These vodka-soaked turkeys will be also made available all over the country, and the recipe will be posted in liquor stores across the nation to boost Thanksgiving sales of spirits.  Last year, the 100-proof turkey was prepared on a trial basis in one tavern and sold out.  This year, the bird will be served at over 100 pubs and taverns in New York City.

Mike’s Thoughts:  I’ve never tried Vodka Turkey, but I gotta admit, I’m intrigued.  At this very moment I’m considering the implications of a Vodka Turkey Martini made in the same pan as the stuffing.

(NEWSER) – How attractive you look might have a lot to do with how you tilt your head. According to a new study, women appear more comely if they tilt their faces forward so that they have to look slightly upward, while men earn higher marks if they lean their heads back and look slightly down their nose.

Researchers suspect it’s because these postures mimic or exaggerate traditional height differences between men and women.The tests were conducted using computer-generated 3D facial images tilted in different directions. “These findings contribute enormously to our understanding of the role of facial attractiveness in evolution,” one researcher tells the Daily Telegraph. Next, she plans to study whether people unconsciously tilt their heads that way when flirting.

Mike’s Thoughts:  I love the fact that people dedicate their lives to studying insanely ridiculous stuff like this.

I’m no scientist, but here’s my contention:  Brad Pitt can tilt his head at any damn angle he wants and still come out pretty high on any “attractiveness” survey.

The rest of us only tilt our heads to avoid the appearance of a double chin.

Stick that in your study and smoke it.

Sure, the world is lousy with decent Christmas Songs, but it takes a special twist of the pen to compose a truly brilliant Thanksgiving song.

Arlo Guthrie’s one and only “Alice’s Restaurant” will air at 12n Thanksgiving Day here on 99.5 The Mountain.

This year Dan Mitchell and I will deliver a little set up for you that explains the history of the song and how it’s managed to remain a holiday tradition for nearly half a century now.

Officer Obie, the “kid”, and Arlo Guthrie in his own words.  12n tomorrow on 99.5 The Mountain.  While your turkey is basting.