(Newser) – What do Doritos and baby carrots have in common? The answer we’re looking for is “they’re both lunchtime standards”—and the baby carrot industry wants to take Doritos and its snack-food brethren down. Some 50 carrot growers are planning a $25 million marketing effort designed to convince kids that baby carrots are “sexy” and “extreme” (no joke), and they’ve hired an über-high profile ad agency (behind the “I’m a PC” campaign) to make that happen, reports USA Today.

So will Doritos-like bags (bearing the slogan “The original orange doodles”) of orange veggies sold from vending machines work? Tom Barlow thinks the uphill battle may be a little too steep, at WalletPop: “We didn’t become a nation of wide-bodies for no reason; Cheetos provide an immediate gratification of salty, sweet, cheesy goodness that is hard to put aside for a snappy little carrot.” USA Today talked to one ad psychologist who has a way around that problem: Put an orange, natural dusting on the carrots. Messy fingers are sure to trick kids into thinking they’re eating Cheetos, Doritos, or any number of artificial snacks!

Mike’s Thoughts:  Next on the agenda, getting the Rutabega the respect it so richly deserves.

(Newser) – Hoverboards may not yet be commonplace, but soon you might be able to live out your Back to the Future fantasies in at least one way: Self-lacing shoes. Nike has filed a patent for sneakers with an “automatic lacing system” that look very similar to the ones worn by Marty McFly in the second film, the Daily Mail reports.

According to the application, the shoes would have “a set of straps that can be automatically opened and closed to switch between a loosened and tightened position,” controlled by a button near the heel. And that hoverboard thing? That may be coming, too. The Mail notes that an artist developed one—albeit one that only moves up and down—earlier this year.

GET A LIFE: SOME FANTASY FOOTBALL DIEHARDS BUYING INSURANCE

With millions of guys across the country preparing for their fantasy football drafts this weekend, there are increasing numbers of them purchasing fantasy football insurance to protect them against the financial losses they’ll suffer if one of their star players goes down with an injury.

 That’s right. Fantasy football players can now insure against the loss of their key players with fantasy sports insurance — or FSI.

 Anthony Giaccone and Henry Olszewski, real insurance brokers with Intermarket Insurance Agency, came up with FSI after Olszewski’s fantasy quarterback, New England’s Tom Brady, pulled up with a season-ending knee injury in the opening game of the 2008 season.

 If your insured players go down, you can collect up to $1,500 in league fees, up to $200 in intra-season transaction fees and up to $200 for the cost of online subscriptions and magazines.

 It costs 10 percent of the coverage amounts you select plus a service fee. For example, $1,000 in coverage costs $105.58.

 And FSI is actual insurance; you receive a full policy document with the players’ names included. And, all claims are paid by check 30 days after the regular season ends.

Mike’s Thoughts:  Finally, the Dungeons and Dragons crowd has something they can make fun of.

Just so we get it out of the way upfront, let me state for the record that I love my Dad, Wes.

He’s always been a supportive and encouraging Father, a good listener, a strong advisor, and an excellent role model.

In terms of the luck of the draw, I couldn’t possibly have asked for a better Dad.

Now, if there’s one area where Wes has been somewhat, shall we say, historically deficient the only place I could point to would be his fashion sense.

In short, my Dad is a guy who’s never spent a whole lot of time worrying about clothes. Cool, trendy, and hip just aren’t ideas that have ever hit his radar, if you know what I mean.

It’s more than 20 years ago now, but I still have a distinct memory of my parents loading up the car to take me off to college and my Dad standing in the driveway wearing a blue sport shirt, a pair of plaid shorts, bright white tennis shoes, and horror of horror, black socks pulled up to his knees.

Putting aside for a moment the painful contrast between the plaid shorts and the blue shirt, and the fish belly legs that hadn’t seen the light of day since the Eisenhower administration, as an 18 year old, I couldn’t for the LIFE of me fathom what would possess an otherwise intelligent and educated grown man to EVER wear tennis shoes with black dress socks.

To make a culinary analogy this is like putting peanut butter on a steak. 

In and of themselves, both things are fine but the two should never, ever, EVER go together.

And though I’m embarrassed to admit it now, I believe I suggested to my Dad in that ‘smarmy I know everything’ kinda way that most 18 year olds have perfected, that his chosen outfit wasn’t really going to work for me and there was really no way I could be seen on a college campus with him unless he either swapped out the shorts for pants, or swapped out the black socks for white tube socks in deference to his gleaming tennis shoes.

I know, I know, talk about your ungrateful kid, right?   Here I am headed off for an expensive education, fiscally supported in large part by my parent’s hard work, and I’m worried about my old man’s choice of clothes.  Redefining the word “shallow” on a daily basis, that’s the 18 year old me in a nutshell.

My Dad isn’t one to raise a fuss over most things and as I recall, he went back in the house changed out of his shorts put on pants and some casual dress shoes and with that, we loaded into the car and toodled off to my first day of college.

Fast forward to this past weekend when I’m out in my yard doing some clean up work and as I bend over to pick up one of the kid’s toys, I catch a glimpse of my tennis shoed foot, and just the hint of a black dress sock peaking out under the leg of my jeans. 

Uh-oh.

In my own defense, it’s not like I was wearing shorts at the time and it’s not like I was dropping off my kids at college or anything but they’re still pretty young, and in the next 10 years I could totally see myself winding up wearing black dress socks and tennis shoes with my shorts hiked up to my armpits.

It could happen….

And then it hit me like a ton of bricks:  The torch of fashion dork-itude had been passed to a new generation.

Unfortunately, that new generation is me.

Talk about having the wind taken out of your sails.

As I mull all this over, it occurs to me that my primary goal in life is to live long enough to be habitually embarrassing to all my children and then to live even longer so my kids can come to the same realization that I did this weekend:

Even though your parents are tragically un-hip and often make questionable fashion choices and at various points will do something so unfathomably square that you will want to crawl into a hole and never come out, they love you beyond anything words could say.

And in the long run, that matters a lot more than wearing black socks with shorts and tennis shoes.

Or as Mark Twain once said so eloquently:  “When I was a boy of 14, my Father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around.  But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much he’d learned in just 7 years.”

Memo to self: call Dad after work today.  Thank him again for everything.

Mike’s Thoughts:  I want to believe this is a hoax, but man, it really doesn’t look like it.  The rumor surfacing thus far is that the girl in question is somewhere in Bosnia but here in the internet age who knows what’s real and what’s not.

WARNING: THIS IS A VERY GRAPHIC VIDEO THAT DEPICTS ANIMAL CRUELTY.  SENSITIVE AUDIENCES SHOULD NOT WATCH.

(NEWSER) – Food scientists told him it couldn’t be done, but after much experimenting Texas chef Mark Zable proved them wrong and invented deep-fried beer. His ravioli-like creation, to be unveiled at the Texas State Fair, contains beer inside a pocket of pretzel dough. The beer remains alcoholic after the frying, and authorities have ruled people need to be 21 to try it, the Telegraph reports.

“Nobody has been able to fry a liquid before,” says Zable, who has filed a patent application for the cooking process. “It tastes like you took a bite of hot pretzel dough and then took a drink of beer.” Zable’s previous creations include chocolate-covered strawberry waffle balls and jalapeno corndog shrimp.

Mike’s Thoughts:  Deep fried beer is impressive alright.  But I’m reserving judgement until I can get my deep fried beer served on a stick.  I like food on a stick.

Ever wondered what it would sound like if John Lennon’s “Imagine” were mashed-up with Van Halen’s “Jump”? 

Imaginejumpmashup  Click link to listen

Who put it together?

Mighty Mike. He’s a producer who creates amazing mash-up recordings for his blog, MightyMikeBootlegs.Blogspot.com.

Here’s eight-year-old Tan Hong Ming revealing his secret love for a classmate. And yes, there’s a happy ending.

Better than any movie I’ve seen in a theatre in the last 18 months.

(NEWSER) –7:15a Tues 8-31  As internships get harder and harder to come by, forget the idea that you’ll actually get paid for one: Increasingly, college students are the ones paying for the internship. The Washington Post investigates the phenomenon in DC, where the supposedly nonprofit “internship program” industry has been thriving (millions of dollars in revenue, six-figure salaries for top employees) for years. For anywhere from $3,400 without housing to $9,000 with housing, students get a guaranteed summer of work experience, night classes, and tours.

Many of these programs claim to have connections, including the ability to place students at federal agencies. One website shows students in front of a State Department sign, but a rep for that agency claims prospective interns can only apply through an internal process. Despite some doubts about the concept of paying to do work, students who’ve been through the program see it as an investment in their future. Says one, “Living in the real world, even just for two months, is critical.”

Mike’s Thoughts:  My kids are still pretty young so maybe there’s something I’m missing here, but this seems like a scam to me.

Unless you can prove to me (beyond a reasonable doubt) that sinking between 3 and 9 thousand dollars into my kid’s internship opportunity will result in them seeing that extra money in their first paycheck out of college, no way.

I think Internships are a great idea.  But the trade is “experience” for “time”.  No money needs to change hands to keep that model working.