(NEWSER) – It won’t feature Levi Johnston, but Bristol Palin has finally landed her long-rumored reality show. In at least 10 half-hour episodes airing on BIO, the 20-year-old single mom will chronicle her move to Los Angeles to work in a small charity and room with friends Chris and Kyle Massey (a fellow Dancing With the Starscompetitor), reports the Hollywood Reporter. Son Tripp will be along for the ride.

“Bristol is the kind of personality BIO is drawn to,” says a BIO exec. “Her personal life has been playing out in the media for several years but this will be the first time she’s opening up her real life, with her son and her friends the Massey Brothers.“

Mike’s Thoughts: 

1.  $20 bucks says when ratings start to flag, Levi Johnston will make a cameo appearance on this show.

2.  The Palin family apparently has an unspoken goal of becoming the most annoying television family since the Osmonds.

(Premier) 

The Beatles and Mark Knopfler are among the reasons why Jerry Seinfeld ended his sitcom, Seinfeld, at the height of its popularity. He says, “The Beatles ended too soon for me, and it was also nine years. That hunger for The Beatles has lasted my whole life. Whenever a Beatles song comes on the radio I reach for the volume and turn it up, because I still haven’t gotten enough of them. That was really how I made the decision.”

He also draws the comparison of leaving fans of the show wanting more to Dire Straits singer and guitarist Mark Knopfler. “Somebody said to me, that’s what makes Mark Knopfler such an amazing guitarist. He doesn’t play quite as much as you want him to. You know, you just want him to play more, and he doesn’t. You know? And that’s what makes you love it.” Seinfeld ended its nine-year run in 1998.  

Mike’s Thoughts:  Good thing Seinfeld didn’t draw inspiration from the Rolling Stones otherwise he’d still be out there in sitcom-land 50 years from now.

COORS IDIOT-PROOFS THEIR BEER CANS EVEN MORE

Coors took beer drinking technology to new heights when they introduced their cold-activated cans. You know … The ones that feature mountains that turn blue when cold.

Well, they’ve just upped the ante.

The new cold-activated cans will actually have a second coldness meter.

Coors found that 70 percent of beer drinkers put their beer in the freezer to achieve the desired level of cold. The trick, of course, is to know when to take the beer out.

The new bottles and cans will still have the mountains that turn blue when the beer is cold. And, they will also have a new “cold indicator bar” that will turn blue at the same time.

That way, you’ll know when the temperature is at the “peak of refreshment” – and, theoretically, not frozen solid.

MIke’s Thoughts:  I seem to remember before all this technology driven hoo-hah, we had a system for knowing if your beer was cold.  I used to call it “grab the can and FEEL it”.  Apparently that method just wasn’t idiot proof enough.

NEWSER) – Apparently, in Crystal River, Florida, it’s possible to be too patriotic. Linda Downey, owner of Taste of Philly Cheesesteak and Hoagie Shoppe, was notified by the city of a “violation” because there are too many flags flying in front of her store. Downey, who has two sons in the military and many servicemembers and veterans as customers, flies six American and military flags as a “tribute,” she tells Fox & Friends. When she first got the letter, she thought it was a joke.

Alas, it was not. A local ordinance limits people to three flags, but a city manager says officials aren’t anti-American or unpatriotic. They simply want to make sure flags are “done in a respectful manner and not in a way that is overly commercialized.” The city wanted Downey to file an appeal and pay an $80 filing fee, but she says the American Legion has taken over the case.

Mike’s Thoughts:  Every few weeks I come to the conclusion that “we” (in the collective sense, as a people, as a Nation) can’t POSSIBLY get any stupider, and then I see a story like this and realize how very wrong I was.

It’s her store.  In some manner of speaking it’s HER flag, as it is all of ours.  As long as the flag isn’t being desecrated or mocked, who could possibly be upset by this display of Patriotism?

For my money, we could use a bit more of that spirit these days.

(NEWSER) – Looking for a little telemarketer revenge? The Consumerist has just the thing: It points out that telemarketing companies are required to send you a copy of their “do not call” policy upon request. If they fail to do so, you can sue for $500. The site also points to asample script from someone who has worked this particular magic.

Another piece of advice: If you have to give out a phone number for a credit card application or contest form or whatever, make it your cell number and be sure to label it as such. If a telemarketer calls your cell, it could be another $500 penalty.

Mike’s Thoughts:  Or, if your time is even minimally valuable to you, you could just do what I do and hang up on ‘em.  Less gratifying, sure.  But wastes a helluva lot less of your life.

According to a recent survey by Citibank, Americans plan on spending more on Mother’s Day than they did on Valentine’s Day or they will this upcoming Father’s Day. The average amount Americans plan to spend on Mother’s Day is $122, while the number was $68 for Valentine’s Day and will be $88 on Father’s Day. In addition, apparently sons will spend more on mom ($146) than daughters plan to ($100).

Mike’s Thoughts:  So wait, on average, Dad’s get gypped out of $34 in presents every single year?  ($122 avg spending on Mom, $88 avg spending on Dad)

My oldest kid is 11 so the way I figure it I’m owed $374 dollars in presents and I want it NOW!

Wait…what’s that you say?

In exchange for the $374 in presents I have to physically give birth to 3 children?

You drive a hard bargain.

The $374 is yours.  Along with my undying gratitude.

(NEWSER) – Want your heart and your lover’s to beat as one? Well, it’s simple: Just have one of you walk over burning coals. In a recent study, researchers monitored people’s heartbeats while they watched their friends or relatives take part in a fire-walking ritual, National Geographicreports. They found that the heartbeats of both the onlooker and the fire walker changed at the same times, though they did not quite match each other perfectly. 

“We can find markers of emotional connectedness in bodily measures as well—it’s not just a cognitive effect,” says one of the study’s co-authors. Another psychologist says the finding reinforces a law of nature, which states that when disparate rhythms meet, they will coordinate. “We like to think … we’re this isolated being,” he says. But this study has “demonstrated this is not the case.” Mike’s THoughts:  Seems a bit drastic to me.  Couldn’t I just synchronize my heartbeat with Anne’s while walking to the fridge to get a beer?

(Newser) – In a world with constantly changing nutritional guidelines (eggs are bad for you; no, they’re good for you!), one food has seemed to be consistently maligned: salt. But a new, and highly contested, study finds that low-salt diets do not prevent high blood pressure—and actually increase the risk of death from heart attack or stroke. But CDC officials, in a rare move, criticized the study as flawed: It’s too small, used subjects that were too young, and contradicts a body of evidence showing that high sodium consumption is dangerous. Supporters, however, claim that other studies have found adverse effects from low-sodium diets.

The observational study, published today in the Journal of the American Medical Association, is considered suggestive rather than conclusive. It followed 3,681 middle-aged Europeans without high blood pressure or cardiovascular disease, and found that over an average of 7.9 years, those who ate less salt were more likely to die of heart disease. Meanwhile, those who ate more salt were no more likely to develop hypertension. But questions have arisen over whether the subjects truly provided all their urine for sodium measurement, among other things. “At the moment,” a CDC official tells the New York Times, “this study might need to be taken with a grain of salt.” Pun intended, we assume

Mike’s Thoughts:  I don’t know about you but I plan to take the results of this study with a grain of salt…..

(SUCK IT TRUMP) HAWAII HOTEL: SHOW A BIRTH CERTIFICATE, GET A DISCOUNT

A hotel chain in Hawaii is giving discounts to people who show their birth certificate in honor of President Obama releasing his long-form Hawaii birth certificate last week. 

Aqua Hotels & Resorts is offering a 15% discount off its best available rates to guests who produce a copy of their own birth certificate at check-in.

The deal is good through August 4th, which is Obama’s birthday.

Mike’s Thoughts:  You get a 50% discount if you show up wearing a full Donald Trump costume. 

UPDATE: AMATEUR BIN LADEN HUNTER IS NOW DEMANDING A SHARE OF THE REWARD MONEY

An amateur bounty hunter who tried to capture Osama bin Laden is now demanding a share of the $27 million reward.

Gary Faulkner, the construction worker from Greeley, Colorado got arrested in Pakistan last year while he was looking for Osama in the mountains.

He now says, “I had a major hand and play in this wonderful thing, getting him out of the mountains and down to the valleys … Someone had to get him out of there. That’s where I came in. I’m proud of our boys, I’m very proud of our government … They were handed this opportunity on a platter from myself.”

The bin Laden hunter said his quest was not about money, but he believes he deserves some compensation.

Mike’s Thoughts:  In other news, Donald Trump also says he deserves some of the reward money….just because.